a nostalgic love note to myself and joe, in bygone days.

remember those days?
(so many millions of miles away now… )

of slow dancing to patsy cline
in small-town dive bars and
grieving to great ghosts..  

of singing
juana molina refrains 
across the moonlit lake
at midnight,
rain pouring down,
baptizing us
in the sacredness
of our 
shared soul-cloth..

of drinking cheap liquor and 
practicing ways of
caressing the 
melancholy because.. 

that was all we knew.

how beautiful it was,
my love,
painting melancholy
with you.

a question to ponder (with potentially life- and astrally-significant implications)

in my dreams,

i feel you.

your skin
hot against mine,
trembling in
polyrhythm with
my heart…

you paint
over my body,
reading me
like you
read code

my skin and
blood and
singing to you,
you follow me to
where few have
dared to

i wonder,
in real life:

would you
be so

poetic notes that are entirely non-work-related

i sit on my porch
the early summer breeze
blowing over

my bare shoulders…

reading about [*goddess] isis
and dreamily imagining
as i smoke my

pixie stick cigarette

you must be
deep into
high stakes

right about now.

the burning hot tip of
my cigarette
chases my questions

in circles..

where is the line between

and Truth?


reflections on a difficult break-up

i’ve been on a journey. one of the most important of my life. and a journey that is entirely invisible to everyone else in my life.

a year and a half ago, one of the closest partners i’d had in my life left me, suddenly. of course there is more to the story, but as i experienced it emotionally, one day we were partners, he had my back; and the next, he was gone, emotionally and physically completely unavailable to me, where he had been one of my primary people for over nine months.

it was one of the most severing experiences of my life, and sent me into a deep depression. i have been ping-ponging in and out of depression since then, having better weeks, better days… and worse weeks, days, months… losing him exploded my life, my concept of myself, my concept of trust in myself and my intuition, and many other things. i have been through many break-ups, and even a divorce… and none of them touched the pain i felt from this loss.

and yet, as it turns out, i needed those things to explode. to find healing, i needed to blow up some illusions i had still been grasping. i needed to see in even deeper ways the way i gave myself away in relationship, the way i set things up to explode. lately, i can find it in my heart to start to feel (rather than just think) gratitude for this experience. i am grateful i found out sooner than later that he didn’t have the emotional capacity to meet my needs in the long-term, that he wasn’t willing to work on the issues we had, to his less-balanced reactions. i know rationally it would have been much more painful, the more i had invested…

and yet other parts of me still grieve no longer being able to feel his touch, his energy… to hear his voice. i have been humbled by this break-up. never have i been so destroyed by a loss of a partner; it has made me empathize in new and deeper ways. the difficulty i have had viscerally in letting go of him has given me new appreciation for folks who have a difficult time letting go.


i have wondered sometimes

i have wondered sometimes
if this heat
with you

this meltingyearningaching

this rush of
emotion and sensation that
overpowers me

that hovers over me

that forges
my awareness
in a slowwwsinking

so shockingly perfect
i am in awe
of you

and us..

i have wondered
if this colliding of
that we have been

oh god we have been

could withstand
the fire and brimstone
of our own imperfections

of life.