i have wondered sometimes

i have wondered sometimes
if this heat
with you

this meltingyearningaching

this rush of
emotion and sensation that
overpowers me

that hovers over me

that forges
my awareness
in a slowwwsinking

so shockingly perfect
i am in awe
of you

and us..

i have wondered
if this colliding of
that we have been

oh god we have been

could withstand
the fire and brimstone
of our own imperfections

of life.

queen nicki

i bow down (again) to the prowess and badassedness of nicki minaj. she has once again caused a delightful media frenzy with her newest video, anaconda, mostly focused on the air time given to her ass in said video. a number of sources questioned if this was “too racy for [nicki’s] own good” and one even called anaconda the most explicit video ever made (no double standards here, naturally….)


even socially liberal, more radical folks critique nicki’s bombacious and overt show of feminine sexuality. and i think there is always a place for fair-minded critique through various social lenses, etc… but in the spirit of many truths existing simultaneously, and a goal of living in the messiness, i salute and adore nicki minaj for the power and i-don’t-give-a-fuck attitude she consistently displays.

my own read on her subtle subversiveness: a simple, superficial interpretation of some of her work is that she is molding herself into a sexual object for the desirous fantasies of men. and this isn’t necessarily false. we are all women socialized from birth to be sexualized, objectified beings; it is unreasonable to believe that this doesn’t intertwine and play into absolutely everything each of us does– either propping up or opposing this social more. there is a power, however, in an individual from a societally disenfranchised group grabbing what is “expected” of them and turning it on its head.. using it to their own devices. in some regards i see nicki minaj doing similar things to artists such as kara walker.

the cherry on top of this video’s sunday is nicki walking off-screen, leaving drake high and dry at the end…

dear wayne: meditations on humiliation

a dear friend of mine bought wayne koestenbaum’s book “humiliation” while we were together in winnipeg, this winter. we decided a fur background felt most fitting for some reason for an impromptu photo shoot…


it is a pretty fascinating and on point read, from the excerpts i have read. then i found out about a youtube series of “dear wayne” dillemnas… if nothing else, wayne poses some interesting situational decisions…

seema anand: the art of seduction

“optimizing and harnessing the mind, the body and the spirit [via sexual seduction] equals the elixir of youth.”

i am intrigued by seduction. i have been for a very long time. i think it raises so many interesting questions. it can be understood in so many ways. it is, inherently, about power dynamics between two people, and using these to your advantage (and, optimally, for the partner’s advantage as well) to entice a lover into the mysteries of who you are. and yet, as with any power dynamic, it is complicated by so many things.

i consider myself to be a respectable seductress at this point in my life, but have noted the way i leave the seduction behind as i move farther into knowing a lover. i am not sure how i feel about this. i was captivated by seema anand’s ted talk in part because she specifically calls out the notion that proper seduction involves not only both parties practicing the art of seduction, but also, importantly, each partner knowing the nuances of the ways in which they are being seduced by their lover, to fully own and experience their fullest sexual potential. i love the way this turns the on-the-surface complications of unequal power dynamics between a couple into an entirely level playing field. how thrilling to consider the possibilities of completely transparent (as it were) seduction between two people who are both seducing each other and equally appreciating and noting the ways in which they are being seduced…


bone-melting love

i was perusing elephant journal this morning and came across this rebecca lammersen article on making unknowable love. i felt the excitement of finding connection– finding someone who has described something of my experience. it’s a beautiful article and description of deeply connected, magical love-making… the kind of experiences i’ve finally found after years of searching.

a perfect sunday morning read. xo

a note to my lover

if i weren’t afraid of being sappy, i would tell you about how i feel right now. the mellow, slow swirling of your energy still moving all through my limbs and torso and pelvis. the way i still feel your delightful skin touching every inch of me. how delicious it felt to slide my naked body up against your sleeping warmth after my shower this morning, and how deeply loved i feel by you. 

vulnerability is my greatest strength and weakness. you receive my love so beautifully. trusting you to not use this to your own ends, as so many have done (wittingly and unwittingly), feels alternately elating and terrifying. but i have chosen to make trust and vulnerability a practice. and i have chosen you. 

i have chosen you.